Dear Eva, Mamma will always own her shit……

and I will teach you to do the same my darling. Booboo, my beautiful baby girl, my mini me and the love of my life. Thank you for choosing me to be your mamma. In the 5 years that I have nurtured and raised you (yes that includes when you was growing in my belly) I have realised some of the life lessons I want to make sure I pass down to you.

Own it…own your shit!!! This is one that I learnt in my early 20s. It is something that you should try to do from a young age. I’m telling you the amount of energy that goes in to spinning lies, or just twisting the truth – even with the best of intentions can be energy draining and pointless. If you mess up own it, if your hurt and you lash out own it, and if you said something that was taken in the wrong way just own it. Stand your ground, brush it off or make your apologies and after that move on.

The assumptions that come when “the lady doth protest too much” rang true

When I was younger I was scared of looking bad and more importantly what people thought of me. As a result I would conform, be the people pleaser I thought I needed to be. Things like:

  • Lying and saying you didn’t kiss someone when you did. Who freaking cares! Especially when people know you’re lying it’s pointless and embarrassing.
  • I remember being silly at school and making bad jokes and when challenged on it I would lie and say I never said it. It was such a silly reaction.
  • My cousins and I had a slapping contest, there was about 5 of us, and as expected it went to far and when it was my turn it left a mark. When asked by my aunt what had happened out of fear I lied and said I didn’t know. Again come on Lish, of course you knew, so I got put on a time out on my own and was viewed as the black sheep for the rest of the trip.
  • If I didn’t like how someone was making me feel I would exaggerate scenarios to justify it rather than be honest and say I’m not sure why but this is how I feel when they do XYZ.
  • Flaws in your apperance – dont try and cover up why everyone gets spots, everyone gets braces and everyone has off hair days and off make up days!!

But as I progressed in my 20s and started to look inwards I realised the most dramatic situations I found myself in was due to me not owning my shit. As a result I had a shift. The assumptions that come when “the lady doth protest too much” rang true. If you know you are speaking your truth you don’t need to get loud, angry or convince everyone of “your side” “your truth”. To be honest you only need to speak your truth to those involved. It started out in small ways:

  • When in arguments with friends I would keep it between us. I would not speak to other friends about it. If they wanted to tell me what they had heard from the other friend involved I would sit quietly, yes it would hurt but I would take it in. I found myself doing this more and more not because I thought I was right, necessarily, but because my energy was being reserved. I was stocking up if you like – For the expected subsequent arguments and resolution.
  • When I was accused of things that I hadn’t done but it came back to me from various sources, again I would stay quiet. I would find out who the source was and speak to them directly. Most importantly I would not shame that person straight away especially if they were a friend. Why – because I know my truth and I own my shit. Yes I may be responsible in some way and I will own that part 2000% but I will not own something I did not do – it’s very simple math.
  • Arguing with your granny calmed down a lot as I would just hold my hands up and say I did it 😂 or didn’t do it as the case would more likely be 😂

It’s my shit and I own it and you know what it works for me for my family.

Asking for help is another way to own your shit.

  • Mamma has always been independent and never asked for help, but I’ve always helped others and told them to ask for help. As a result I didn’t take care for myself and only started to when I realised it was having an impact on how I was mothering you. I went to the doctors and asked for help and I got it. I owned up to the fact I was getting it wrong with you and I needed to make a change.
  • I now own that I am trying to be the best mother I can be. That it is not easy and I will get a lot of stuff wrong but not for want of trying to get it all right.
  • I own the fact that I needed medication to help me get back to a good place, where I could smile again from the inside out and really enjoy our life. For the last year I have been on this medication and while I plan to stop that soon I will not be afraid to say, “it is what I need at this time”. There are so many mothers, people who take anti depressants but the stigma attached leads them to shy away from talking about it. It’s my shit and I own it and you know what it works for me for my family.
  • I will continue to tell you sorry when I am wrong. When I shout at you out of fear or I snap at you because I am tired or unwell, I will apologise. You need to know I make mistakes too.
  • I will also tell you when you are older that I am sorry for anything that you feel I may not have done right when you was growing up. I can tell you now and I will then – it was what I knew to do at the time and I will learn from it.

I feel a sense of release and satisfaction nowadays in knowing that this is how I try to lead by example for you. When you own your truth the respect that comes with it is undeniable.

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You are a queen my darling girl, hold your head high at all times.

  1. When you make mistakes learn from you them so you can continue to hold your head high.
  2. Don’t let anyone twist your truth. There are always three versions of a situation you are in –
    1. your truth
    2. their truth
    3. The truth
  3. You will never know “The truth” because you are not an outsider looking in. So take comfort in knowing if you tell your truth it is all you can do to uphold your integrity.
  4. Nobody is perfect and those that say they are probably the most fractured of us all.
  5. Don’t be a people pleaser it’s a one way street.
  6. Own you shit it makes you who you are!! A rockstar!!

 

 

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